I was working a 6 AM to 2 PM shift on rescue boat two.  It’s a lifeguard rescue boat stationed in the marina.  It’s a two person rescue boat.  I was the deckhand working with another rescue boat operator.  It was 30’ in length.  We used it to respond to areas on the Western side of Long Beach on the ocean front. 

      We received a radio call from the beach crew who were out in the early morning raking the beach, cleaning it after the people used the beach the previous day.  One of the crews reported to me that he thought he saw a body rolling in the shallow surf. 

      We responded in our boat to the area of Coronado that was described to us.  When we arrived we could see the beach crew personnel pointing into the water. 

      Then I saw where they were pointing, and saw what looked like a fully clothed body in the surf.  It was just starting to be sunrise.  Everything was kind of dark and gray.  You couldn’t see things real clearly.  I jumped into the water to get a closer look at what I thought was a body. 

      You don’t know what the circumstances are.  You don’t know how long it has been in the water.  I crept up on it slowly.  I approached it cautiously.  It was floating face down in the water.  It was such shallow water that I could stand up.  I grabbed his arm and rolled him over.  It was an elderly man.  I took his other arm and rolled him over.  I tried to pull him up on to the beach.

      The thing that caught me was he was wearing dark brown slacks, brown leather shoes. He had on a light brown shirt with a nice tie, and a tan camel hair jacket.  What I would consider to be a Sunday best outfit.  It was around Christmas time during the holiday season. 

      This was one of those instances where you wonder, “Was this guy out for a walk?”  We have a lot of elder care facilities in our area. 

      Things started running through my mind.  “Could this be a missing person?  Is this someone’s family member who is staying with them who wandered off and got lost?”

      As I was pulling him up the beach by both of this arms, his head fell back.  The angle that his head fell back, his eyes met mine exactly.  Because of the way I needed to pull him, he was just looking at me.  It was as if I could stare right into his soul. 

      He had sand in his mouth and his nose packed full.  It was obvious that we were not going to be able to revive him.  I pulled him up high enough in the sand where the surge was not going to drag him back out to the water.  I signaled to my partner that we would need the police department rather than rescue. 

      I sat down with him and I crossed his arms on his chest and just sat with him until the police department came.  When they arrived the officer said that a missing person was reported on this man, that he had walked away from one of the homes. 

      I continued to reflect on who this person was.  “Did he have a family?  Why would he do this during the holidays?  I know people get lonely..”  It was a period of reflection on who this person was.   From my experience and looking at this situation, I felt he did it on purpose. 

      What something had pushed him to do this?  Was it not having a family?  Was it not having people to come visit him?  It made me think of my own family and how I would never want them to feel alone like this person obviously felt when he went to commit suicide. 

      He had his ID on him, he had on his best clothes.  There were no signs of trauma.  The best we could tell he just walked out into the water and drowned himself. 

      I was as gentle as I could be.  He probably weighed 140 pounds.  He was elderly and frail.  He didn’t have a lot of fat on him or anything.  I was thinking, “This could be my grandfather.  Whose grandfather is it?  How did he end up here?”

      He was still, like a real person.

      It ended up being the first of three just that week.  Because I could see right into his eyes, I can still see his face today. 

      I have plenty of other bodies..I think I’m up to 45 now.  There are ones I can’t remember many details at all.